I see dead people

Happy New Year!

It's new year's eve and I am getting ready to go away on a girl's trip for my BFF's 50th birthday. Before I do though, the year will spin around to 2011-amazing!

So what's this about dead people? Well-the first one is a boss of mine who died this year of brain cancer after deteriorating in front of our eyes. I've been thinking about him a lot more lately because since I moved over to the other side of the hallway, I pass his picture many more times a day, and somehow I feel right now that he is with me. He was only 50 when he died, and he was so angry to leave his teenage boys and the life he loved. I guess making a big fuss about my friend turning 50 (I am already there) made me think about him even more. The whole experience of watching him die was of course a reminder not to take anything for granted.

The second dead person-my dad. His 80th birthday is Sunday; of course he died at 70; almost 10 years ago now. For some reason I feel his presence more than usual now; maybe because I am having a psychic reading soon, maybe because it would have been a milestone birthday, maybe... I don't know, but he is here in a big way.

I did not know the third dead person very well-in fact only a few people really knew him well, and when he killed himself it was a shock to most of us-in fact I think many people thought he was pranking them and refused to believe it. If you were on myspace in the past several years of course you know I am talking about "Crabby" Will Driscoll. Why am I thinking about him out of the blue? Well he still has a facebook profile, and lately his face appears in my "people you may know". Kinda makes you wonder; especially since I don't believe in coincidences-everything happens for a reason.

So yes-this new year's I see dead people. but I don't feel creepy or maudlin, just contemplative and even more determined to figure out just why I am on this earth.

Happy New Year-thanks for reading and I hope all your dreams and wishes come true this year.

Pictures I put together the day we found out Dave died.

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negativity begone

OK-new day, new week, and a short one at that. Time to try something new-think positive! yeah, I know, such a pollyanna-but what the hell, it can't hurt. I may have a negative force in my house with me, but that doesn't mean I can't turn my head and think up, always up. Financial ratios and work bullshit, look out, cause you are MINE

so what now?

Still haven't decided whether this page is a graveyard for old myspace blogs to be visited in fits of nostalgia, or a real page to blog on. It's not as anonymous as I would like, but if I don't link it anywhere I guess I'm ok. Everything I write on the internet is fair game anyway, right?

Sometimes I think I'm just asking, begging to be called out as partial, as saying something inappropriate for someone with my job, cause damn it's a golden cage. but maybe I will just reserve the page for incredulity at my friends and family-but then what if they stumble on it and get really pissed? Like what do you say to someone who buys their kids everything they want, so I have no fucking idea what to get them for Christmas? And what about the people who go away for Christmas leaving their brand new grandchild behind? Yeah the kid's too young to remember, but the parents aren't. Or the fact that I'm getting a dishwasher for Christmas (well half of one, I have to pay for the other half)-yeah I know I'm a spoiled brat-whatever.

All those unsavory or snarky thoughts that used to find their way onto a myspace status-wtf to do with them now?