So maybe this blog belongs on my private profile (it's so private I haven't even friended it yet LOL) but I'm writing it here. And no appropriate cute pictures or kittehs tonight; I'm just not in the mood.
Well maybe one-
I just got back from seeing Sex and the City The Movie and I throroughly enjoyed it. I am a big fan of the HBO show and was a little anxious about the movie after reading some reviews-BUT-obviously the reviews were written by non-fans who clearly did not GET IT. Yes, they mention designers and labels, and yes, Carrie does a fashion shoot of couture wedding gowns for Vogue, yada, yada, yada. All that is still just background noise to the real meat of the movie and the TV show before it-relationships! Friends, lovers, spouses, children-that's what it's all about, and if those reviewers can't get past the designer labels, then they are the shallow ones.
So-I highly recommend the movie to any and all SATC fans-I laughed and cried and escaped reality for a couple hours.
Escape-the title of this blog. I escaped the world in a dark movie theater-and there's nothing like it. Watching a movie at home with all the bullshit distractions and reminders of the things that need doing is just not the same. When you turn the phone off in a dark theater and sit back in the seat, it's escape of the best kind.
When I left the theater, I put the top down on my car and started it up. Part of me wanted to just take off and drive around in the Lehigh Valley darkness, but I pointed the jet back to the hotel-I had a MS addiction to feed and a blog to write. As I drove down the road thinking about escape, I realized that my car is one of the reasons I can't escape-a thing that I pay for every month. It's worth every penny, but, like the rest of my (and our) debt, it keeps me in my golden cage.
My work-I've been at this job for 10 years and that's a record. For most of my life I hopped around from job to job, bored silly after a couple years and itching to move on. This restlessness and boredom became my primary impetus to go back to school-I thought that with a degree in hand I could do something for a living that wouldn't bore me to tears.
For the most part, this thinking was absolutely correct. My work involves a lot of changes and adjustments, and in the past couple years I've had some very interesting and different opportunities come my way; all this kept the boredom at bay for a long time. I also have the opportunity to come in off the road and do something different in the office-like mgmt. But when I'm in the office for any length of time I get REALLY antsy; even worse than what I'm feeling now-and can never imagine being there all the time.
That's a little scary-I'm tired of my job but don't want to be in the office-shit-where does that leave me? I still enjoy being on the road but the next step is the office somehow and I just couldn't face it-so WTF? The other problem is that the gradual change in the way I see the world (politically and economically) has made my work less meaningful.This is hard to get into without explaining my work; I'll just say that many people in my specific line of work feel a calling towards it-they feel they are doing something good for humanity. My problem is that I don't have a calling, and sometimes I feel like a fraud-I enjoy my work for very selfish reasons-I am able to use some of my interests and skills to do it.
I'm itching for a change again-the problem is that I've allowed myself to become dependent on the money-it's not a lot but it's more than I've ever made before-and damn I like spending it! Be it on the house, car, or shoes-whatever-I've grown accustomed to it now. And there's no desire burning within me to do any specific thing with my life; that's always been a problem but I've never felt so stuck before.(I've always envied people who knew what they wanted to do and singlemindedly went about accomplishing it-it would be such a relief to feel that way about something!)
So-when it comes down to it, I'm getting that itchy feeling again-maybe it's time to move on to the next stage of my life-if I could only figure out what it is...
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