sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear just pisses you off Oct 10

So-in Chicago for a teaching assignment for a subject I really don't believe in anymore, that is if I ever did-but that is a subject for another blog-oh yeah I already wrote that one.

So-back at the hotel (home til the end of the month-my husband always gives me shit when I say I went "home" to a hotel room, but fuck it-it is home, at least for a while) after drinking maybe a bit too much wine at Bin 36 Wine Bar.

So-talking about my boss who died of brain cancer this (last?) year with someone who I like and respect even though she is a liberal (but never makes a fuss about it) who knew the boss and knows one of the people who was very close and felt his ANGER




more than any of us, and when she asked about his kids and how they are handling it, I had to tell her that I didn't know.

So-this has never been addressed at work. We are a very close knit group; especially those of us who spent/spend a lot of time on the road together, and before my boss D became a manager, he was on the road with us too. So there is a closeness that a lot of people may not understand-not necessarily outside of work, but in the space between work and personal. And yes for us there is such a space. But D's death and his deterioration from brain cancer which exacerbated his sometimes caustic self has NEVER been addressed at all. And the effect of his deterioration, during which he came to work, on all of us, and especially certain people who were closest to him-has NEVER been addressed. We have never had a meeting to discuss how we feel, never had anyone ask if we are ok or needed help-NEVER!!!

So-I understand how someone who was very close to him (our big boss) would not want to talk about his deterioration and death, but I have to say that her avoidance of the effect it had on ALL of us was the chink in the armor of my respect for her that let everything else, all the other things that lessen my respect, in. of course this is only one of the reasons I am leaving, but it is not a small one.

So-sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear just pisses you off so much that you want to stand up and scream.





So-yes I am venting here on myspace, yes I have vented about this before to certain people, one of whom was so close to the anger




that I worry about her internalizing and wonder if she has ptsd, but dammit I can't tell the person who really needs to know that she has hurt us all by not acknowledging the effect his wasting away, mind and body, and his DEATH had on all of us.

So-maybe someday I will be able to tell her, but right now I need to work there, so I can't, but I will not work for her anymore.

So-yes I am burnt out from the work, yes I don't believe in it and can't stomach it politically, but yes I this also part of why I am leaving.

So-RIP D. You were a crusty SOB with a heart of gold, but your ANGER burned us; we were too close.

Calling all angels-an album of pictures; all but one taken in Philly on the day he died.

























wish I could get the video to play by itself-please give a listen cause it's what I hear in my head when I think of him...

Thanks for reading and being here