This blog has been rattling around in my head for a while now and it needs writing, so I'm going to attempt it. Before I go any further, however, I think a disclaimer is in order.
I understand that many people find that becoming parents allows/requires them to grow up and let someone else be their top priority (other than a spouse which is a whole different thing.) I have no children and have never experienced this phenomenon, so please bear with me. Oh-and as always, feel free to call me on any and all content of this blog. Just be nice while you're doing it LOL
1) The world does not revolve around you.
This is one of those about which parents may have a jump on me, but it is crucial to growing up. Not only does this include the ability to put other people's needs before your own, but also understanding that not everything that happens in your world is about you. People may be pissed off or upset and just taking it out on you-relax and laugh them off. If you really have done something to piss them off, you'll probably find out sooner or later.
2) Your parents are people too.
Insight on this does not necessarily come with parenthood, although you'd think it would. However, I know some parents who still don't get it.
The people who birthed and raised you are just as flawed as all the schmos out on the street, and the hero worship of childhood has to be replaced by embarassment, then skepticism that they made it this far through life, and then finally some understanding and recognition that they are somewhere in between. Of course some parents are abusive and that's another paragraph.
For those of us lucky enough to have wonderful but flawed people as parents who only wanted the best for us, this realization is crucial to having an adult relationship with them and letting the percieved slights and other bullshit fall away. Everyone makes mistakes, and if you know in your heart that your parents loved you and did the best they could, it's time to let that baggage go (believe me, I do know otherwise very bright and accomplished adults who haven't figured this out yet-WTF?)
On the other hand, if you were abused by your parents, my heart goes out to you. However, if you can't move on from that abuse and be in control of your own destiny, then you are carrying baggage around that is weighing you down. Let it go...
2)Accepting that not everyone will like you.
All of us will come up against people that just don't like us, for one reason or another. Sometimes this is caused by an actual word or deed on our part for which there can't (or won't) be amends made, or is the result of jealousy or some percieved slight. However, this is usually just about a conflict of personalities and cannot be helped. Grown-ups understand this and don't dwell on it-after all, don't we all have those people that just rub us the wrong way? How presumptuous to think that we don't elicit the very same reaction in someone else.
The time that this really can rear an ugly head is when one of your friends has a friend that you just don't like and who just doesn't like you. This can make for some interesting interactions, to say the least, and can be uncomfortable for the mutual friend. I had this experience in high school; one of my good friends had a friend from her neighborhood that I never liked. Her personality and attitude annoyed me, and even though she might have snubbed me at some point (I really don't remember), it was the way she treated our mutual friend that really got under my skin. Now I'm no saint and I know I had days when I wasn't the greatest friend, but this person consistently took advantage of my friend and treated her like shit. Needless to say, we avoided each other like the plague. I really don't know what she thought of me or if she knew I was on to her, and still could care less. What a using bitch!
The funny thing is that the same type of thing seems to be occuring here on Myspace. Some of the friends of one of my friends don't seem to like me very much and I really don't know why. Believe me, I'm not losing any sleep over it, but it would be nice to know. I don't think I ever did anything to deserve their disdain, but oh well-whatever. I'm a big girl and it doesn't impact me one way or the other; it's just another opportunity to observe people's interesting behavior and shake my head.
3)Understanding your romantic patterns
This is something that people who always seem to make the wrong choices need to acknowledge and understand, and actually is applicable to friendships too. If you seem to have a pattern of attracting or being attracted to losers, it's time to reevaluate your own motives and thinking-many times we are our own worst enemies.
4) Acknowledging your own flaws and easing up on yourself
No one is or will ever be perfect, and the less time we spend agonizing over our faults the better. Of course making the same mistakes over and over requires a good hard look at why, and all of us can and should always attempt to improve ourselves, but there's a good chance that we'll all go to the grave with some faults and blots on our record-we're only human!
5) Comfort in your own skin
Under this category I include-not worrying so much about what other people think, striking out on your own road and not trying to follow the crowd, AND maybe the most important, not trying to make yourself into someone's perfect match/dream man or woman.
This last one affects us all at one time or another-we find someone we think we love and try to make ourselves into the person we think they want. This is a recipe for disaster from the first moment-we will never be anyone else but ourselves, and the quicker we understand that the happier we will be. One can only pretend for so long, and what a rude awakening when the truth comes out! Grown-ups are comfortable in their own skins, and when they display that confidence and pursue the things that fulfill them, they will find happiness and hopefully, love.
6) Finally, understanding that life is a journey and along that path we will learn much about ourselves and the world.
That said, there are many things we will never know, understand, or experience, and when we acknowledge this fact, we may breathe a big sigh of relief. There are only so many days in one's life, and choices must be made. Realizing the fact that the more we grow and experience, the more we realize we don't (and may never) know is quite a revelation.
So-I think I'm done. I know this is too long, and if you made it all the way through I thank you and ask-
Do you agree? and What can you add?
Thanks again!
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